A Trip Fueled By Grief.
I want to take a moment to talk about something that has been getting heavier and heavier for me to carry around; my grief. I’ve dreamed of being a new parent most of my life, but never expected it to go this way. Now, I’m not talking about things not going the way I thought they would in parenthood, I’m on board that train of experience already. I’m talking about the fact that since I was pregnant, we’ve been in a Pandemic and as a result, my almost one-year-old has never gotten to meet my family.
My twin sister has never met my baby. My parents, who came for Wilder’s birth, have not seen their grand baby, their babies baby, since Wilder was two weeks old. Now, Wilder is running and talking up a storm and some days the grief just hits harder than others. Wilder has been robbed of relationships and my family hasn’t gotten to see the beauty and light that is this child.
You see, my entire family live in WI and even the thought of traveling during the pandemic fueled immediate panic in me. I’m not worried about being able to protect myself, but how in the world would I be able to keep Wilder safe? The reality of parenting that I’m finding is that I can do absolutely everything in my power to try to keep Wilder safe, but sometimes, it won’t be enough. Not because I’m not enough as a parent, but because we can’t keep our children safe every second of the day, especially from things like viruses. But, you better bet your button that I spent this last year trying my hardest and in turn, my baby and I have spent very little time around others and don’t go many places aside from the grocery store, which feels risky enough.
But now my anxiety is manageable and being treated for the first time in my life and as we creep closer to Wilder turning one, my grief is gaining. I promised my dad he’d see his grand baby again before Wilder was walking but because that happened just before Wilder turned nine months, it didn’t happen.
So, I am taking the leap of faith and we are taking our first trip home to WI this weekend! As a retired travel nanny, traveling with kids is one of my all time favorite things to do and one of the things I’ve been most excited to do with Wilder. I had planned on showing Wilder so much of the world already, but that’s just more grief. I anticipate traveling with my own baby will be far different than the years I spent traveling with other children, in many ways.
Here’s to finally finding out! And to my family finally meeting my baby, well, toddler.
If you are located in the Madison area and interested in a COVID safe meet and greet, send me an email!