Birthing a Tiny Human is EXHAUSTING.
I’m not sure how, but it has been almost a year since this moment. A year since this level of exhaustion and moment of deep relief were present. When I think back at this moment, I remember feeling myself shifting from being both in and out of my body. That’s the thing about my natural home water birth, is that it was a spiritual experience that took place and even the level of exhaustion and moments of pain were profoundly beautiful. In fact, it’s those moments that brought with them the most euphoria. As a receiving addict, childbirth was the natural high that I’ve spend most of my adult life chasing and never being able to find. It was pain. I was power. It was my body doing exactly what it knew how to do in the comfort of my own home, and pool. My body, my beautiful non-binary body knew exactly what to do and did it beautifully. And while doing so, I experienced exhaustion like never before.
I’m going to be sharing more about my labor as the days go on and eventually will share Wilder’s birth story. Can you guess what moment this was in the second photo? I bet my birth works can!
This was my second favorite moment, I’ll share the first another time. This was the moment Wider was placed on my chest and the blanket was immediately placed on them. My midwifes hand was on it’s way to massage Wilder back just before helping to assist them in clearing their lungs.
This is the moment my body knew it was done. My baby was out and their warm blue body was safely on my chest. The “holy shit” I’m done moment. The point when all of the exhaustion hits like a freight train all at once before realizing you’re in fact not done and still have to birth the placenta. The exhaustion. The look of someone who just birthed a baby. It hadn’t registered to me yet that Wilder wasn’t breathing. I could hear everyone around me but it was muffled, like they were off in the distance. It was just me and my baby, and my ancestors spirits surrounding our pool and ushering my babies soul to their body.
Today I am so thankful for my body and it’s ability to bring this tiny human into the world. I was told so many times, over and over again by others, even medical professionals, that after transition, you’d never be able to happen. But here we are. I’ve entered the state of exhaustion that is parenthood and with it, hope to bring you all some extra hope and joy. I hope that by simply showing up and sharing what is possible, along with all of the challenges that are paired with each possibility, others too will see the endless possibilities right in front of them.
Giving birth and pushing through the deepest level of exhaustion known to humankind, in my opinion, left me with a healing kind of strength that I never knew that I had. Some days when I don’t feel like I have the energy to keep going, I look towards these photos for the reminder of what true exhaustion looks like and all that we have pushed through. Keep pushing, because even within the exhaustion there is true beauty and eventually, rest.
What have other’s always told you that you can’t do that you plan on one day doing or are already doing? How are you finding rest amongst the exhaustion, dear friend? And remember, self-love is the best kind of love. <3