Healing from Vaginal Tears

Now, let’s talk about the healing process. My main goal in sharing this is to help lessen fear, not increase it.

But before we do, I don’t want to sugar coat things. Yes, my baby quite literally split my yaya right open when I shot them through the burning ring of fire, and even with four labia walls instead of two now (yeah, that’s bragging rights for sure), I would absolutely give birth over and over again. Sure, it had moments of INTENSE pain but what I didn’t know, is that my body takes over for me during those moments of pain, doing for me what it has done for centuries and centuries. And because of this override and sort of autopilot that my body went into, pain was manageable. Sure. It was noticeable and I could feel the burn, but it didn’t matter and even felt less painful then in my current heartbreak. But, that’s neither here nor there.

I didn’t know that I had a tear or even needed stitches until my Midwife told me, and then we went about with stitching me up. The thing is, when your baby is finally there, not much else matters. My heart was so focused on the tiny warm body laying on my chest that I couldn’t feel much else beyond the overpowering love that I was experiencing for the very first time ever.

For the first two weeks of my postpartum, my parents were in town and sat rocking Wilder during the day so that I could take sitz baths (and herbal bath used for healing after birth) and get some sleep. At this point in my healing process, I had to roll on my side just to get out of bed (while holding a baby) because sitting up was too painful. It’s amazing what our bodies able to do after childbirth. I was quite literally split right open, and still went about life as a single parent to a newborn (during a pandemic) afterward.

For the first six weeks after giving birth a Peri water bottle was my best friend and you could still find me in adult briefs. For those who have never had to use a peri water bottle, what it is is a water bottle full of herbal water (usually the same kind used for sizt baths) that you squirt on your yaya anytime after you use the bathroom because there ain’t no way in hell you’re wiping. Just keeping it real. Also, two things that I did not have that I would HIGHLY recommend getting are a squatty potty stool and a Bidet. Get a Bidet, you won’t be sorry. I was sorry.

I also bled a lot after giving birth and for the following four weeks. It took five, almost six weeks for my bleeding to come to a complete stop. I was in constant communication with my midwife and doctor so I never felt scared, but absolutely did feel some dysphoria after a while. And ironically, not long after my afterbirth bleeding stopped, my period came back and has been back ever since.

During my healing process, I made sure to take it easy on myself. Every time I would get frustrated that I was still sore or bleeding or unable to cough without pain/peeing, I saw my baby and remembered the beautiful thing that my body had just done. An entire human had just been birthed from me, and from my body. Of course it was going to need time to heal and rest and it’s my responsibility to make sure that my body (just like my baby) gets what’s it needs to stay well.

So sure, you might experience some fear of tearing during childbirth like I did. But I can promise you that you’ll experience far more love afterward and it will all be worth it. One hundred fold.

Also, did you know that you’re less likely to experience tearing during a home birth than you are. a hospital birth? Now you do. 🙂

With Wonder,

Danny (and Wilder)