Hi, I’m Glad You’re Here.
For years and years I’ve wanted to utilize a blog as a form of healing but also, a way of creating connection through sharing challenges and joining each other in our joys. One thing or another has held me back though, just as something held me back from writing twice this past week. Now, instead of focusing on the two days that I didn’t write and post, I’m focusing on the four days that I did. As a new single parent, doing anything extra four times in one week is a gold star, in my book at least. And that gold star, and knowing you all are out there somewhere in the world reading this, keeps me writing and willing to share more. More challenges and more joy. More heartbreak and deceit. More ups and downs and all arounds. So buckle-up, because the time has finally come and you’re the lucky ones who are along for the ride.
This blog with grow and shift over time, as we all do. But for right now, it’s a space for me to simply write. I don’t go back and reread or edit, which might seem silly to many of you, especially with how any of you have joined this journey. But in the past, one of the things that I have that gets in the way of me writing is perfectionism and also, my disabilities. As someone who has struggled with Dyslexia and ADHD all of my life, it’s impacted my narrative as a writer and storyteller. When I call myself a storyteller, it feels like coming home to my calling. So I’m here to share my story in both present time (mostly) with the dream of one day, pulling this all together into my memoir. But for today, I’m just sharing more in depth pieces of my story here.
Writing this, and being here with you, dear reader, has very quickly become one of my favorite parts of my day. I want to paint the picture as to why, for you all. This week I dove back into writing after getting out of an inpatient hospital for mental health. While I was there getting some much needed support, Wilder was with a dear friend, learning how to sleep on their own all through the night. This had one of the greatest impacts on my life this past week, but that’s a separate post. But, because Wilder is now sleeping in their own room from 6:30p-7:00am every night, I have the opportunity to create self-care routines again for the first time in almost two years.
Mornings have always been my favorite, so I wanted to share my mornings with what would help me create the most connection while also fostering healing. So every morning this past week, I’ve let my body naturally wake up between 4:30-4:45. Yes, this is when my body naturally loves to wake up and has most of my life. But, I also go to sleep shortly after the sun most days and asleep shorty after Wilder at 7pm because this single parenting job is EXHAUSTING. But let’s get back to the beauty that is my mornings.
After waking up, I walk directly to the hot water pot and start boiling my water, then use the restroom, feed the dog, finish the coffee and sit down in the darkness of the early morning, with just enough light to be able to see my coffee and computer. I start with my computer on my lap, take three deep breaths while thinking, “in with self-love, out with self-hate.” Every time I breath in, would be full of self-love and out with the hate. That has been my go to breathing mantra for almost a decade now and feel more like family than a mantra. It’s in this moment of cause and breath that I realize not only the positive impact this five seconds has on my day, but also how its progress. Its meditation. And it’s setting my day, and my writing, to be as raw and present as possible. To shed light and love, amongst hurt and pain.
Sitting here in the early morning hours of every day with my coffee and you all, dear readers, has become one of the favorite parts of my day. I wouldn’t have gotten here without letting go. Every time we let something go that we are no longer supposed to be holding onto, we find that we are able to grasp ahold of something even sweeter.
Thanks for sticking along for the ride, it’s going to a sweet one full of life.